For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to raise children, and my method of choice has always been adoption. Shortly after I established my first business I began taking the first of many steps towards actually doing so. Since then, I have been asked, on many occasions, as slew of questions which I find to be absolutely preposterous, however I opt to be firm yet polite about it. Truthfully though, the ignorance of such questions, gets under my skin and I do wish to address them in a more direct and straight forward manner. The bottom line is, if anyone just takes a moment to think about their questions prior to asking them, they will most likely realize just how offensive they are. Here are just a few I would like to share with you...
“Don’t you want your kid to look like you?”
Sure, it would be nice to have a kid who has my cheekbones and eyes, but the need of a child with no home or family to be adopted into a loving household instead of bouncing around in foster care is significantly more important.
“Why do you want to adopt instead of having your own?”
Because there are millions of children who don’t have parents, don’t have homes, and don’t have anyone who actually loves them. As a human being I can most definitely love a child who did not come from my body just as much as a child who did come from my body.
“If you get pregnant, will you consider abortion or adoption?”
No, my desire to adopt comes from an embedded love for children, why on earth would I want to inflict pain or loneliness on a child I have become pregnant with? I’m an adult, I know where babies come from, considering that I am old enough, financially secure enough and emotionally ready enough for parenthood it would be incredibly irresponsible of me to terminate a pregnancy or give up a child to the very system I wish to help kids out of.
“What if you get a bad kid?”
What if I get a bad kid? You mean, what if I raise a child who turns out to be a criminal or drug addict? In the event that a child I adopt has problems in his life I will act accordingly, just like any other parent who raises kids who don’t turn out exactly how they expect or desire. After all, is it impossible to parent a biological child who breaks the law or gets into trouble? Don’t all kids at some point in their lives get into trouble? Like every other parent in the world, I will love and support my kids no matter who they are, what they do, or where life takes them.
“Why would you want someone else’s problem?”
No child is ever a problem. Clearly, anyone who thinks so doesn’t know what it means to be a parent and most certainly shouldn’t raise kids.
“Do you think it’s fair to a kid to be adopted by a single mother?”
One parent is far greater than no parents. What I do think is unfair is that people who are incapable of raising children, procreate, and then give their children to a system that doesn’t have the proper means to attend to all the vital needs of kids aside from basic nutrition and education. Children need love, experience, friends, stability, happiness, and guidance. It doesn’t matter where those elements come from, as long as they come from somewhere.
“What if after you adopt you meet someone who doesn’t want kids?”
If I meet someone who doesn’t want kids then I most certainly don’t want them. The love I have as a parent will always exceed the love I have as a partner. When choosing a partner, one must think about how they want to spend their lives, what is important to them, and who can best provide them with these things. If having children is a priority in your life, then a person’s desire to raise kids with you must be an important factor in deciding who to settle down with. You never met anyone who gave up their biological children to please a potential spouse now have you?
“What if your kid finds out they are adopted?”
I want my kids to know they are adopted. I want my kids to know that I could have given birth to a random child but specifically chose them instead. I want my kids to know that they were not a backup plan or plan B. I want them to know that although the person who carried them wouldn’t be the person to love and raise them, I am here to do that. I want my children to know that I worked hard and did everything I could I get them, and that I already loved them long before I had ever met them.
Finally…
“Isn’t adoption expensive?”
Yes, there are fees and expenses related to adopting children, however giving birth and raising children is equally, and often times even more expensive than adopting children. Think about how much money expecting parents spend on prenatal care, medical expenses, parenting classes. Then once the baby arrives, think about how much parents spend on baby clothes, baby shoes, diapers, formula, daycare, medicine, and education. Are those expenses not worth it? So then how could anyone expect that paying adoption and lawyer fees might be a reason not to be a parent?
If you can’t imagine yourself adopting a child and don’t understand why someone else would then perhaps you can imagine this: picture a child you know, your own even, then imagine for a second that he or she has no one in their lives who loves them because they haven’t known anyone long enough to be loved by them. Imagine that that child is in a group home with dozens of other children, doesn’t get undivided attention, doesn’t get love and affection, doesn’t get rewarded for good behavior, doesn’t get the toys they want, doesn’t get read to before they go to sleep. Imagine that a child you love is not in your life but instead is at an adoption agency care center waiting for someone to choose them. Maybe now you can understand the tragedy these kids face, and why someone like me would do anything in their power to put an end to it, at least one child at a time.
Peace,
--Marg
On Tuesday, Socks came dashing down the tightrope of a fence with a maple-like leaf from the neighbor's yard clenched between his teeth. The leaf was big, and had a mixture of green and yellow pigment on it but most importantly it was perfectly intact. 
But this is where things got really interesting. The next gift Socks dragged along the fence to us was another large, perfectly intact leaf, this time a dark green one. Not knowing who he would bring it to, Mom and I waited, filled with anticipation... the leaf was for her. 
